Into my world

1.

My name is Jennifer, and as cliché and passive as it may sound.. I am a child of the world. Not in the hippy sense of the meaning of that statement, more in the technical significance of coming from many different places, one of which the far away exotic land of Uganda. I’m sure you will gradually see the world through my eyes as I share stories with you. I was a professional ballet dancer with enough passion for the art to last me for at least 3 lifetimes. I hid within the wings of ballet to run away from something that was ripped away from me when I was young. I’m not sure that ‘ripped’ is the correct word to describe parent divorce and moving to a different continent/world – but seems quite fitting. I learned to express myself through dance and movement and learned that not all things beautiful and magical stay that way forever. Yes.. I am that person who uses the word magic. I specify this, because everyone is so quick to judge using their own stereotypical oversimplified biased ideas. “She believes in magic, she must be a dreamer, an artist.. perhaps even a poet. She must be unreliable and flakey.” I see no need to label, and I assure you that you would find it hard to label me, given my very diverse and overlapping thought approaches. I happen to believe in magic and in logic. The magical kind of logic where all things are possible, love prevails, empathy startles and kindness swipes you off your feet. The kind that also allows you to be who you really are, and once you understand that your uniqueness is your superpower… you won’t be swimming against the current, more like running with it. Your logic will be magic and you will reach the highest grounds.

I’ve just come back to the lands of cold England, from a 5 month contract in Turkey with a company I work with here in London. I’m now back to a different reality, one where there is no sea to calm the noise, no raw nature to lean into. A reality where priorities are set in a very different manner. I am able to look at things from a fresh perspective. You will here me talk about perspective A LOT. At the end of the day, it’s all that matters in any situation, I think. As emotionally attached as one can become, or relentlessly skeptical and detached – seeing things from different angles can broaden your horizons. Why have broader horizons? To have a little more insight, to have that much more empathy and to feel stronger when things are not going so well. Perspective can fuel your life.

Right now, I can see people who love what they do but work themselves a bit too hard and end up dreading their day, and when the alarm goes off it starts all over again. Maybe society pushes us to extremes so that we can do extremely difficult things – surely waking up before sunrise every morning and getting home after sunset, is not healthy for a human being? Or is it just that we have evolved this way? They say tiredness and fatigue cloud our clarity and sharpness, but also bring out extraordinary genius, the sort of genius that reveals itself in a dream, when we are not in control of our thinking; or appears out of the blue in an out-of-context situation. I know from my personal experience that I get just as frustrated and moody as the people surrounding me. “While you were away in Turkey, we were running on treadmills and grafting. We are tired..” a dear friend said to me today with a giant grin. I agree! I understand and I appreciate the hard work and dedication it takes to be a king or queen in a ravishing and tantalising city like London. It’s quite enticing to me, to be captured by a gust of different energies, brainwaves and views.. to be, in a way, challenged by society. Growing up, I was the new girl. The new blonde stranger from far away lands who spoke the language but didn’t quite fit in as well as everyone else did. Here in London I can be that and much more, I can be my own persona and have my own habits and create my own morals and traditions. I love observing the world from a step or two away, in fact I love observing myself too. I find it very humbling to judge myself objectively for my own thought and path choices. It’s good to remain true to your heart but also to recognise when things should or could be changed. Seeing good people be involuntarily nasty, is an eye opener to the amount of work that needs to go behind working on your social behaviours within work, family and stranger relationships to continue to be a better person not only for yourself but for those around you. My question is.. are we being too analytical when we care about why other people do what they do? I always ask myself why I’m so susceptible to how other people feel, act or react. I have an inkling that it’s because I was always new, I had to be liked and I wanted to give no reason for anyone to ever hate me or be mean to me. Little did I know, that it’s not about being perfect and loved by all, but about being yourself and only then will the right people will come into your life. But who am I kidding? I was only 8 when we moved to Italy after England and Africa and all I could think of was to make new friends. I couldn’t technically afford to be my tree-climbing, barefoot, creative, strong opinionated self in a tarmac world filled with seafood spaghetti, shirt collars and fancy play station games… now could I.

I know you must be wondering why I’m writing this blog and starting with today of all days… a quite honestly dull and handkerchief filled day, I have the flu. I find myself writing super long Instagram posts and thinking.. ‘Who the hell is going to stop what they’re doing to read this annoyingly long post about shoulder impingement syndrome?’. I have a fair amount of varied subjects I can’t wait to write about, I have many interests and I feel like I have lived a few lives already… No I’m not 154, I’m only 25 going on 26. Age is relative to the experiences you have lived, the cultures you have been a part of, the beliefs you have shared and the languages you have learned to think in.  I apologise in advance if I post a blog in Italian or German or maybe even Spanish if it’s been a really long day.. it was not on purpose. Just kidding, I would only do that to impress you. It feels good to express myself in ways other than dance. I got injured, my life changed and then it changed again, my mind needs some form of creative release. Th injury thing is a long story.. one for next time. Don’t stay up late scrolling up and down your social media. Pick your priorities read a thing or two and then put the darn phone away.

Yours truly,

Jennifer

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